He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
