I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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