Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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