hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we're making bets on your personal life
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
