Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
