Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
