Soap is not a condiment
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
