i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
