I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
