Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My vagina is very pro this idea
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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