whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
