I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
