my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Operation Purity has been aborted
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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