whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
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so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
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Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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