Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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