Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
