My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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