I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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