Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
