Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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