You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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