Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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