you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
