No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
