I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
