I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
