Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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