The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
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He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
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I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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