I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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