Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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