no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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