sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
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