the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
