just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
