oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
