Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
