that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
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WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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