Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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