There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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