I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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