i love accidental penises.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
