When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
