Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
PANTIES FOUND
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
