that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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