Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize