He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
high people should be assigned attendants
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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