ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
