I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
