We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
