Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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