two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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