I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
