I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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