that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
