you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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