My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
