it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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