God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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