dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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