i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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