so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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